If I could only lose this 135 pounds...

As a person who has been overweight my entire life, it's easy to blame things on my size. I can't find anything to wear...I'm not married...I can't find those shoes in my size...this apartment complex that I want to move in doesn't allow FIOS...just anything.  Although I don't suffer from the health-related side effects of being overweight, I am aware that my current state is not sustainable based on the life that I want to live. 

 

What kind of life is that you ask? One of my goals is to run a 5K, 10K, a marathon. It may never happen but I'd at least like to be able to throw on some running shoes a few times a week and run a few miles. Honestly, I'd like to run a whole five minutes without "dying" these days. Hopefully, it will happen but today won't be that day.

I'd also like to teach yoga, specifically to people like me. I have had some pretty fantastic yoga instructors but there are rarely any "plush" people in the class.  It could be the area that I live in, but I doubt it. (Yoga is actually one of my favorite classes to attend because it focuses on breathing.) 

 I am not saying that I do not love or appreciate myself because that is certainly not the case. I'm simply stating that I'm not the best version of me right now. I'm like Windows Vista and I could be Windows 8, for the techies. I'd like the version of me that lives on the inside to be consistent with my physical appearance.

I have explored many methods of weight loss; surgery, starvation, removing internal organs, but I don't think that any of those methods are for me. My biggest issue with surgery is that not only do you lose the ability to digest certain foods, but overindulging can make you sick. I'll pass. Life isn't fair if I can't have an occasional footlong steak and cheese from the carry out by my parent's house. 

Occasionally, like once a year, not every week. 

 This is where I usually present some wonderful ending that sums up my opinion and possibly provides a solution to the issue at hand. Well, that won't be the case today. Even though I'm staring down the double barrel that is three decades of life in less than six months, I wasn't any more compelled to pick up my gym bag this morning. It was so much easier the third time around...

Somebody else's HUSBAND...

....that's right, I said HUSBAND, not boyfriend or baby daddy. If a man is married, he is off limits, period. 

I'm going to give my disclaimer one more time, but this will probably be the last time. These are my thoughts, based on my life and related experiences; if you don't like them...go read something else. If you insist on reading, feel free to comment. :)

Lately, I have been coming across quite a few men who are married but pursuing other people, myself included. As a woman who hopes to be married one day, that's not the kind of energy that I want in my camp. I've been approached by many "unhappily" married men (they are so unhappy that they are telling their wives that they love them every morning) and I see them as pathetic. He spent money on a ceremony, gave his name to this woman, maybe even had a few children, but is looking for something else? He might need to go see a pastor, a therapist or into the woods to meditate so he can get his mind right. Or maybe his wife needs to tie him up and put him out of his misery...I'm just saying.

I know that I will probably ruffle a few feathers with the long-term mistresses, but why would you want to date someone who can't keep a vow before GOD? Every good woman deserves a man who is faithful and will be true to only her, but you can't expect that when you are sleeping with, dating, or sharing a "secret" family with someone else's husband. Depending on what state you live in, you might get sued.

Don't try to use "LOVE" as an excuse for your bad behavior. We all have been known to conveniently forget  that "love" is just a natural progression of emotions. If you are in the company of someone who has appealing qualities long enough, you will began to develop feelings for that person.  If you have sex with that person, those feelings get deeper and then you end up in a big pile of mess. If the sex is mid-blowing, then you are liable to start  rationalizing your actions through your orgasms and you are in trouble.

Forget what people say about "going with the flow. Be responsible and make informed decisions about and for your heart. If you meet a guy that seems perfect but has a "situation," he's not the man for you. Go the other way and remove yourself from the situation completely. Do not be his "friend," do not inbox him on Facebook, do not listen to him vent about his wife, do not go to lunch with him, hell don't even give him your phone number (that part was for me). You CAN NOT tap dance on ice in stilettos and expect not to fall in. It's not worth the risk; you could drown.

My point is that you should never invest more of yourself into a situation than the other party is investing. A whole woman deserves a whole man and if you aren't whole, you need to focus on becoming whole first. I recommend JESUS, therapy, meditation, Las Vegas, whatever you need to be the amazing woman that you are. You owe it to yourself.

Let's be honest; there is no amount of fellatio, p- popping, threesomes or patience that will get that man to leave his wife. And if he did, you would then become the "*insert commonly used adjective here* wife that he couldn't stand and would soon began to step out on. Men are creatures of habit so once this man that you've "stolen" gets tired of you, he will be looking for his next woman.  You're worth so much more than that ;)

Ineligible Bachelors

Let me start this post off by asking anyone that I may offend to excuse me; these are my thoughts and my thoughts only. If you want to see your thoughts, go write your own blog! Moving right along...

As a woman of size, I guess there seems to be some misconception that I'm supposed to be interested in who/whatever is interested in me. That's sooooo not true. In case you haven't gotten the memo, I'm a former overachiever with a somewhat seasoned career in higher education with my own place and no kids. If you catch me on the right day in the right dress at the time, I might just turn your head too.

When it comes to male attention, especially on a certain website, I tend to get a ridiculous amount of attention from "ineligible bachelors." These are men who know that they don't meet my basic dating criteria, but they feel like I should be happy that they are talking to me.  No sir, I'm actually offended that you think that I would talk to you. 

 Just in case you're in denial, let me identify you.  

If you are un/under employed and see no reason for personal growth in your future, don't talk to me. I have worked my butt off since the age of sixteen and will continue to do so.  Your lack of desire to "do better" and "want more" will annoy me. 

If you have children, especially multiple children, please go that way. I have this "far-fetched" dream of giving birth to my beloved's first child which means that if I date your breeding behind, I will have to settle. I'm just not interested. 

I am a firm believer in the art of courtship when it comes to relationships and dating. If think that you should be pursued by a woman, go shoot yourself. I guess that also means that you want to have a period and give birth to babies too, right? Grow a pair! This also applies to men who think that it's OK to be taken care of by a woman or ask women for money, even though that's probably your mother's fault. 

If you have tattoos on your face or cornrows over the age of 23, you can also pass me by. I'd rather not live my life explaining your silly appearance to my friends and family. 

 

If you cannot speak basic English or communicate in text talk. I don't even understand what you are saying, so don't say anything. Seriously. 

Last but not least, I'm not interested if you don't believe in going to the doctor regularly. If you only visit the doc's office when something is broke down in "Junktown," we can't be friends. Your nasty behind might have something nasty brewing.

I know that some of this seemed like common sense, but it clearly isn't. In addition to the basics, I'd like the future "Mr Elle B" to be over six feet tall, poetic, beautifully complected and be the son of a horse. That's asking for a lot...but a girl can dream right? ;)

Oh please!

I'm not really big on introductions, so this will not be some elaborate post containing the many details of my life and what led to me to this point, like how I couldn't find the Edge Control and missed the bus to go to the gym this morning, because it really doesn't matter. All that matters is that I'm here; a 29 and a half year old, single, DC area native with no kids and no husband potential in site. This is how I arrived at today's topic...

Historically, "dating" consisted of the act of a man courting a woman that he is interested in order to get her to agree to be in a relationship with him.  That concept got lost somewhere between "BlackPlanet" and "Friends with Benefits," and now there are men who believe that women need to PURSUE THEM. In fact, someone said it on Facebook this morning, so it MUST BE TRUE. (Shame on people who actually believe that).

All of the desperate woman and punk ass men can have that. I wasn't raised that way, I prefer my men with big balls and strong backs. I am attracted to men that know and accept their roles as leaders of a household who also expect their women to be ladies first.  As Syleena Johnson once said, "If you wanna be the king, you gotta wear the crown," and I am only attracted to strong men who know how to treat women the way that they are supposed to be treated. At the end of the day, the only thing that good sex will do is mess up my hair and my sheets. (And raise my body count...boo!)  I am not saying that I am celibate, but this Ms Eldridge doesn't put out on the first, second or third date.

Speaking of dates...my last date was with a very polished and educated man who was a not so recent DC transplant. He was the type of guy that I would have looked over five years go, but could appreciate as an adult. I'd met him by way of some "light banter" at one of my regular haunts and we exchanged contact information.  The more that I talked to him, the more that I was finding out that we had in common and he appeared to be a very open individual. We exchanged pics, texts and emails which was a nice change of pace because it was refreshing to be dealing with someone who knew what a noun, verb, and a predicate was. Well, Mr "Could Be Perfect" failed to omit that he was seriously dating someone that he was ready to marry. Oh and he added that we just had so much in common that he hoped that we could be good friends. OH PLEASE!!!  My response was the "delete" button; I still haven't decided if that conversation should be featured on Instagram.

What did I learn from this? If someone seems to good to be true, they probably are.  Or all nerdy guys are creeps that usually have some other situation going on. OR I could just stop dating black men as a whole. That last solution looks better and better every time that I think about it....